Sunday, December 10, 2006

Eldrich Rebello :: About A Fish

Well, we've all seen him college, with his geeky glasses and egg-shaped head. He talks and writes a lot about peers (Batman in particular) but little is known bout him. Some think he's gay, some say martian,some think he's plain weird, few folks also think he's a nice chap (?????!!!!!!!!!). Well a couple o' days back he gave me a deep and interesting insight about himself. Apparently, our man Elda, thinks only about four things:

1) To make bombs of varying intensities and then jus watch em explode. Apparently the noise,smoke & lights exalt him to the nth degree.
2)To Catch fish and slay em.
3)To see Penguins dance.
4)He also has a lot of interest in sound and music and wishes to create stimulating music for the penguins to enhance their moves.

These four goals are all related to each other and he has carefully carved out a plan to accomplish these in perfect sequence. So here goes:
Elda, wid his expertise in bomb making shall create bombs tht emit extremely high frequency ultrasonic waves. These shall be placed along the circumference of a pond full of fish. Now, when bombs explode, fishys come to centre of river where Elda lies in wait. With tht fishing net he borrowed from Batman Elda catch fish. But on account of batman going broke every couple of days, the net he gives Elda is a cheap and 3rd rate one. Consequently more than half the fish escape and Elda manages to catch only 10-15. Now, Elda, with Batman's Swiss knife (its actually a second-hand made in Saki-naka) slays the fish and has fulfilled his second wish. Following this,Eldrich slogs his butt off, gets into Berklee, masters the concepts of sound and music and after two yrs of hardwork comes up with his very own f-tunes (designed specifically to enhance penguin dancing moves). Then, with the money he made thru his stinkin blog, he just about manages to buy a lousy discman and hitches a ride to the Antarctic. There, braving the cold he ventures deep into the iceland and finally, has captured a dozen penguins. Then, the final phase begins. For Elda, its all or nothin now. Coz its on this icy wasteland that his very purpose for existence is to be decided. Will he die another unknown ? or is he to be immortalised forever? As his trembling hand puts the CD in the player, his whole life flashes in front of him. From the time the first and last strand of hair grew on his head to the day when he joined agnels to when he screwed himself, everything just zips past him like a fast-forwarded trailer. For a second he feels like he's a in a cheap Bollywood rip-off. But then, the cold Antarctic chill brings him back to reality. He places the phones on the 1st penguin, nothing. 2nd one, again nothing. 3rd - nothing. 4th,5th,6th,7th,8th,9th,10th, nothing, nothing, NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No.11wobbles ahead. As the music starts playing, the penguin takes one step, then another one. Its working!!!!!!! Eldrich cant believe it.............But wait, Mr. Penguin suddenly .........(CANT GO BEYOND THIS POINT, SO PLZ GIMME ENDINGS, PLZ LEAVE EM AS COMMENTS, AND DONT REMAIN ANONYMOUS!!! BTW THIS STORY IS NON-FICTION)


Elda Alias The Smoking Mackerel said...

then penguin 11 pulls his head off and it is revealed to fish that the penguin is actually batman wearing a penguin suit. fits him quite well actually and he;s dancing like mad to some sort of AC/DC nirvana cross and he;'s air drumming.

fish sees this and takes pictures to show the world. next day it's front page news in the NYT

Shyamala said...

that he's hungry 'cause elda didn't get him any slayed fish and he can't dance on an empty tummy

moral: when you slay fish, think o' the penguin too

Elda Alias The Smoking Mackerel said...

to quote axl rose
Evryone needs love
You know that it's true
Someday you'll find someone
That'll fall in love with you
But oh the time it takes
When you're all alone
Someday you'll find someone
That you can call your own
But till then ya better...

Now you're clean
And so discreet
I won't say a word
But most of all this song is true
Case you haven't heard
So c'mon and stop your cryin'
'Cause we both now money burns
Honey don't stop tryin';
An' you'll get what you deserve

Bhargav said...

Dude..hows Axl rose related to this????

swati said...

flap..flap..the penguin kicked n "flew" away..they migrated..leaving elda successfully happy about killing penguins with "wings"(sure modified)..finally he is incarcerated in the "land of crime" & to overcome the ignominy..he RETURNS to blog..whining after winning..full of acrimony..he pours his heart out..but ..hey!..this time he is cursing HIMSELF!!..phew..after all this...GOD BLESS!!

Elda Alias The Smoking Mackerel said...

is that really me? i'm shocked. electrified even. any why am I seeing ads about antarctica expeditions with emperor penguins?